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舉例說(shuō)明托福獨立寫(xiě)作兩步四句開(kāi)篇法

來(lái)源:哈魯教育 2014-12-30

我們寫(xiě)作最重要的一步就是審題,審題關(guān)系到整個(gè)文章思路的確定,而審題準確有否最直接的體現就是文章的開(kāi)篇段。

一般來(lái)說(shuō),開(kāi)篇段落的寫(xiě)作可分為兩大步驟:

第一步就是用簡(jiǎn)潔明了的句子對原題目的意思進(jìn)行同義替換;

第二步是提出自己的觀(guān)點(diǎn)。

這兩大步驟細化起來(lái)可以概括為四句話(huà):

第一句,采用同義替換的方式對原題目的意思進(jìn)行更改,當然是“形變神不變”;

第二句,對題目的意思進(jìn)行解釋

第三句,提出自己的觀(guān)點(diǎn);

第四句,概括自己所提出觀(guān)點(diǎn)的理由,引起下文。

根據YeeaooBox上網(wǎng)友對托福獨立寫(xiě)的練習情況,我總結了一些常犯的毛病題目來(lái)解釋這個(gè)“兩大步,四個(gè)句子”的具體運用方法。

案例1:誤解原意思

Do you agree or disagree: Because people are busy with doing so many things, they can do few things well?

Original:

Some people may hold the view that they are able to do things well even if they are busy with doing so many things simultaneously or during a given period. Although plausible at the first glance, I disagree with the statement. Depending on my own personal experience and personality, I firmly maintain that people can do few things well when they are busy with doing so many things. My arguments of this opinion are listed as follows.

解析:

文章第一句話(huà)不是對原題目意思進(jìn)行解釋?zhuān)遣捎貌扇×撕驮馑枷喾吹淖龇▉?lái)進(jìn)行題目詮釋;第二句表明自己對誤解題目的觀(guān)點(diǎn);第三句話(huà)對自己的觀(guān)點(diǎn)進(jìn)行近一步的解釋;第四句一個(gè)過(guò)渡性的句子。開(kāi)篇內容安排倒是很好,但是作者犯了誤解原題目意思的錯誤導致后面整個(gè)文字都做了無(wú)用功。

改后:

When people are engaged in a large extent of work simultaneously, they will not be able to perform all of them perfectly. Just imagine how terrible it will be: too many jobs need to be done by the same person in a given time. Once such a picture appears in my mind, I feel dizzy. To me, it is impossible to do everything well with the limited energy and many others factors .Therefore , I agree with the statement too many things to be done at the same time cause few to be well done . The reasons are as follow.

Revised:

第一句話(huà)對原題目意思進(jìn)行了很好的詮釋;第二、三句話(huà)進(jìn)一步解釋原題目;第四句話(huà)提出自己的觀(guān)點(diǎn);第五句話(huà)過(guò)渡性句子引起下文。

案例2 :語(yǔ)言羅嗦,繞彎子給出自己觀(guān)點(diǎn),浪費時(shí)間

Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

original:

With the development of science and technology, people’s living standard has been improving day by day. According to the family plan, one couple could have only one child. So child becomes the center of the whole family. Some of them are even spoiled. Therefore, I think it is better if the young adult could live independent from their parents as soon as possible.

解析:

這個(gè)開(kāi)頭看似沒(méi)有任何問(wèn)題,但是仔細分析就會(huì )發(fā)現很多問(wèn)題。首先,作者繞了個(gè)大彎才給出自己的觀(guān)點(diǎn)。其次,觀(guān)點(diǎn)是對原題目的抄寫(xiě),改動(dòng)的比較少。最后,開(kāi)篇缺少引起下文的過(guò)渡句。更大的錯誤是這個(gè)開(kāi)頭更像是一個(gè)全文主要觀(guān)點(diǎn)的一個(gè)分論點(diǎn)。

Revised:

As we all know, some young adults have the sense of independence in a special period so that they want to choose to live apart from their family, while others still choose to stay with parents in the family. Family can provide young adults a warm bay where he or she could turn to whenever any problems arise. However, considering the sound development of the young adult both mentally and physically, I think to live independently the earlier, the better. Independence is a lesson that each of us must face one day. The detailed reasons are listed below.

解析:

第一句話(huà)詮釋原題目意思;第二句話(huà)進(jìn)一步解釋第一句話(huà);第三句話(huà)提出自己的觀(guān)點(diǎn);第四句話(huà)解釋自己的觀(guān)點(diǎn),引出下文。

托福獨立寫(xiě)作開(kāi)篇第一段是整個(gè)文章的主機調,這個(gè)部分如果出現問(wèn)題整個(gè)文章就會(huì )黯然失色。


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