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        舉例說明托福獨立寫作兩步四句開篇法

        來源:哈魯教育 2014-12-30

        我們寫作最重要的一步就是審題,審題關系到整個文章思路的確定,而審題準確有否最直接的體現就是文章的開篇段。

        一般來說,開篇段落的寫作可分為兩大步驟:

        第一步就是用簡潔明了的句子對原題目的意思進行同義替換;

        第二步是提出自己的觀點。

        這兩大步驟細化起來可以概括為四句話:

        第一句,采用同義替換的方式對原題目的意思進行更改,當然是“形變神不變”;

        第二句,對題目的意思進行解釋

        第三句,提出自己的觀點;

        第四句,概括自己所提出觀點的理由,引起下文。

        根據YeeaooBox上網友對托福獨立寫的練習情況,我總結了一些常犯的毛病題目來解釋這個“兩大步,四個句子”的具體運用方法。

        案例1:誤解原意思

        Do you agree or disagree: Because people are busy with doing so many things, they can do few things well?

        Original:

        Some people may hold the view that they are able to do things well even if they are busy with doing so many things simultaneously or during a given period. Although plausible at the first glance, I disagree with the statement. Depending on my own personal experience and personality, I firmly maintain that people can do few things well when they are busy with doing so many things. My arguments of this opinion are listed as follows.

        解析:

        文章第一句話不是對原題目意思進行解釋,而是采用采取了和原意思相反的做法來進行題目詮釋;第二句表明自己對誤解題目的觀點;第三句話對自己的觀點進行近一步的解釋;第四句一個過渡性的句子。開篇內容安排倒是很好,但是作者犯了誤解原題目意思的錯誤導致后面整個文字都做了無用功。

        改后:

        When people are engaged in a large extent of work simultaneously, they will not be able to perform all of them perfectly. Just imagine how terrible it will be: too many jobs need to be done by the same person in a given time. Once such a picture appears in my mind, I feel dizzy. To me, it is impossible to do everything well with the limited energy and many others factors .Therefore , I agree with the statement too many things to be done at the same time cause few to be well done . The reasons are as follow.

        Revised:

        第一句話對原題目意思進行了很好的詮釋;第二、三句話進一步解釋原題目;第四句話提出自己的觀點;第五句話過渡性句子引起下文。

        案例2 :語言羅嗦,繞彎子給出自己觀點,浪費時間

        Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

        original:

        With the development of science and technology, people’s living standard has been improving day by day. According to the family plan, one couple could have only one child. So child becomes the center of the whole family. Some of them are even spoiled. Therefore, I think it is better if the young adult could live independent from their parents as soon as possible.

        解析:

        這個開頭看似沒有任何問題,但是仔細分析就會發現很多問題。首先,作者繞了個大彎才給出自己的觀點。其次,觀點是對原題目的抄寫,改動的比較少。最后,開篇缺少引起下文的過渡句。更大的錯誤是這個開頭更像是一個全文主要觀點的一個分論點。

        Revised:

        As we all know, some young adults have the sense of independence in a special period so that they want to choose to live apart from their family, while others still choose to stay with parents in the family. Family can provide young adults a warm bay where he or she could turn to whenever any problems arise. However, considering the sound development of the young adult both mentally and physically, I think to live independently the earlier, the better. Independence is a lesson that each of us must face one day. The detailed reasons are listed below.

        解析:

        第一句話詮釋原題目意思;第二句話進一步解釋第一句話;第三句話提出自己的觀點;第四句話解釋自己的觀點,引出下文。

        托福獨立寫作開篇第一段是整個文章的主機調,這個部分如果出現問題整個文章就會黯然失色。


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